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Granny's Advice By Rosaleen Dickson, BA, MJ
- Dear Great Granny.
-
Hi Gran.
My future mother-in-law is running our lives. He's 53 , I'm a 46 year old widow.
He's been living home with momma all his life. Now he's stuck. Momma is 88
years old and 80% blind. We can't go out - she won't stay with anyone. If we do
go out we hear it for a week.
I do everything for her shopping, doctors, walks. I bend over backwards.
Momma saves everything,- bags all over she won't clean up or leave her apartment.
We can't get married cause of Momma and I'm starting to resent her as much as she resents me.
HELP!!!!
- Dear friend
-
The best help I can give to you is ask you to open your eyes. Why do you think you can be
happy with this man? He seems to be a splendid person, caring for his mother in such a loving
way. I'm sure he is aware of all the time and energy and talent she has devoted to him during
his own early years, when he needed help. Now that she is in need of him, his devotion is
to be commended, not resented.
You seem to have joined him in his efforts to make his mother's life as comfortable as possible,
but you resent it. That spoils it. I'll bet that no matter how far over backwards you bend, your
boyfriend's mother knows that you resent her. The only way you can repair the damage is to
do a complete turn around and begin enjoying the good you can do for this dear old lady. You
will be an old lady yourself sooner than you can imagine. I hope nobody comes into your life
who resents being a friend to you.
Make up your mind right now whether living with this man is worth the nuisance of having to
be kind to his mother. If it isn't worth it, then go find yourself another man who has nobody
else in his life - if you can. Most people gather friends and relatives and beloved parents
through life and it seems wrong to me that you find it necessary to try to separate these two.
They need eachother. If you can't fit into that picture, just leave.
Truly yours,
GG
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