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Granny's Advice

By Rosaleen Dickson, BA, MJ
Dear Great Granny.

My two year old granddaughter talks about me all the time at home. Her parents say she cries and wants to know when I am coming to see her. They let her call me 3-4 times a week and then after the call she cries. I see her about once a month and after our visit yesterday she could not let me go. She screamed all the way in the house. Of course it is flattering to me. I do not want to discourage her love for me, but her parents then have to deal with her after I leave. Any suggestions on what they can do to gap the separation anxiety?

Dear friend

Perhaps you find all this dramatic behaviour flattering but it looks more to me like a power play on the part of your clever little two year old granddaughter. Good for her! She's learned at a very early age how to control her environment. And apparently her parents are reacting satisfactorily to her power play.

Now that she knows how to get everyone's attention in this way, I hope you'll be able to teach her some other ways of achieving the same results. Make the same fuss over her when she sings a song, speaks a new word, learns to stand on one foot, or scrapes her plate clean at mealtime. Let her know that there are many ways of getting everyone's attention so it won't be so important for her to scream and carry on get the same result.

As for her carrying on when you have to leave, you might relieve that trauma by telling her you have a secret you want to tell her but it has to be on the phone. So - of course you have to hurry home to phone her. I know that seems transparent to us, but your tiny little granddaughter might fall for it.

Her parents could also help the situation by having something really interesting for her to do every time you leave. It should be something that she looks forward to so your leaving won't be the big moment, but the activity that follows it. Whatever she loves to do - such as colouring with crayons, or "swimming" with her toys in the bathtub, or maybe playing on the piano. If you could time your visits to come just before some enticing event, then your leaving shouldn't become such a tragedy.

But, if it all fails, and she still carries on in this way when you are leaving, you'd best try not to notice. Say good-bye, tell her you had a great time, don't hug and kiss her to death, just say good-bye and leave, and always tell her you'll be back soon. Then if she wants to scream - well - that's her way of saying good-bye. She'll get over it, I promise.

Yours sincerely,
GG


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