Please let your child enjoy her grandmother without any concerns about
the possibility that she might not live forever. We all know people who
have been told they have one year to live who are still around decades
later. Docrors who "give you 18 months" are in no position to give you
anything except the best care at their disposal. They do not give you
life.
Because your child will experience the death of pets, friends, and
eventually the death of her grandparents, it wouldn't be a bad idea to
tell her what you believe about death. Let her know how the people in
your own family, and in your own church - if you go to church - view the
end of a person's life. And you would also be wise to explain to her
that since nobody knows for sure, there are other beliefs and she will
be able think of death in whatever way she finds most real to her.
But don't start this discussion of life's end when she is hardly old
enough to know what you are talking about. Let her become aware that
things do have a beginning and an ending, gradually, in tiny bits,
spaced out. There's no need to sit down and have a great heart to heart
talk with her about it. After all, death is a very common occurrence. It
happens to everything and everybody. It should not be approached as
anything mysterious. The simple ploy is to say that after people have
lived a while they go to heaven, and let her wonder what heaven is and
make up her own imagined conclusion.
Since life is nothing more nor less than a journey between birth and
death, and since we really do not know for sure what goes on with our
souls before birth and after death, we can save ourselves a lot of
confusion by concentrating on the journey, leaving the destination for
others to philosophize about.
If you have formally defined beliefs about death, you will feel obliged
to explain them to your child, but I hope you won't start in on that
exercise at this point. She is far too young.
If her grandmother dies before she knows anything about death, then she
will find out at that time. It will serve no purpose at all to fill her
with apprehension now. Create situations where she and her grandmother
can enjoy each other so the memories will be wonderful, but don't ruin
everything by telling her that death is going to interfere with the
relationship.
It won't, you know. After her grandmother dies, if in fact she does pass
on before the child does, the little girl will always have good memories
of good times, undisturbed by worries over impending doom.
If the death of her grandmother comes after she has been given an
opportunity to contemplate the fact of death, in other connections, then
it will be easier for her to cope.
I hope something I have suggested might help.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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