I have a real problem with my mother-in -law. She is a good hearted person
but is absolutely filthy as far as her own hygiene and her home are
concerned.
It doesn't make sense to me how anyone could live that way.
She lives out of state (Thank God)! The last time she visited my husband
had to MAKE her take a shower. Even after she took her shower she still
smelled like a sweaty underarm and it made me wonder if she even bothered
to use soap.Then she made a comment about how she needed to get into the habit of
brushing her teeth. The woman is 50 years old!!! She should have been in
that habit at least by age three!!! The woman has a college degree and is
very active in her community and her church. She goes out every week and
gets her hair and nails done and doesn't care about her own personal
hygiene??? I just don't get it.
Another thing when she has visited she has
this very bad habit of passing gas and burping---Constantly! It makes me
sick and very angry that a woman would act this way. She usually just
laughs it off and says "There's more room out than there is in." I have
gotten really angry and told her off before but all she said was "I don't
care what people think of me." "If they don't like who I am they are just
jealous." -----Hardly so in my case.
I have a 21 month old son that I don't
want exposed to this type of behavior because it is bad manners and just
plain unacceptable. Kids are very impressionable. I am beginning to wonder
if she just isn't wrapped too tight. It's like she has no cooth about what
she does or how she acts. My husband is also a slob but he is mentally
stable. Unfortunately, he shares her philosophy about not caring what people
think.
I just get tired of this lady and her son telling me that I am "Picky" just
because I want a clean and neat house. The last time we went to my mother-in law's
home, my son's white socks were black on the bottom after walking around her
house. The inside of her refrigerator has black condensation instead of the
normal "clear." Her dishes are always stacked to the ceiling. Her windows
are so dirty you can't see out of them. It is just so nasty!!! When she washes
her dishes I have seen her just rince them off with warm water and put them in
the drying rack---she doesn't even use soap to wash her dishes!!! I am afraid to
eat there or ask for a glass of water. I brought paper cups last time. And I
insisted that we eat out at this nice restaurant that she is always talking about.
This is my husbands mom and my son's grandmother. I do not want to hold a
grudge toward her for the rest of my life. What can I do???
Help!
Well my dear, you have got a lot off your chest with that letter and I
sure hope you feel better because of it.
Things you wish you could say to your husband and his mother have now
been said to me. Good for you! Putting it all into words is a big
help. When I receive these letters all I can do is assume that they are
truthful, or at least partially so. I never get the letter which might
be written by the other side of the issue. I wonder what your husband
would be saying to me, if he were to write.
Anyway, my reply is to you and it won't be what you expected because my
premise is that you can never change anyone else. You tell me your
husband is a slob. So be it. You married a slob and now you are worried
about raising a child in an environment which includes him and his
equally "filthy" mother.
Sorry to say, that's exactly what you have to do, other than leaving
your home and taking your child with you, and I do NOT advocate that.
The world is full of slobs and people who don't use soap to shower or in
the dish pan. Your child will have to cope with these people through his
life, and also will have to cope with the people who follow the TV ads
and spend most of their time scrubbing themselves and everything else.
Eventually he will find his own level and do what he wants. Hopefully it
will meet with your approval, but be prepared for him to be a slob like
his old man.
As for you, it seems to be a great hardship for you to put up with the
differences between you and your mother-in-law. Unless you are willing
to ignore her burping and farting and look the other way when she is
stacking her dishes, you should stay away from her as much as possible.
I'd be willing to bet that she is as annoyed by what she claims is your
picky attitude as you are with her carelessness.
Many folks are so preoccupied with other matters that they honestly do
not care what people think. Those whom I've known have been artists,
writers, journalists, musicians, printers, engineers, builders,
scientists, athletes, professors, and a whole bunch of other high
achievers. Try to see beyond the outward appearance, and if she smells
like an armpit, forget it. Sweat is not a sin. Soap is not the key to
heaven. Mothers in law can be found to be genuinely wonderful people if
you can just let yourself look for the good and stop worrying about the
inside of her refrigerator.
Your child won't be tainted by his grandmother's seeming slovenliness.
But he could be enriched by knowing her on some other level. Next time
you sit down to write an essay about her, concentrate on everything that
she does or has ever done that is praiseworthy. I'll bet it will be a
difficult exercise, but when you've done it, save your essay to show
your grandson when he is a teenager.
My best advice to you is to never mention anything adverse about your
mother-in-law in conversation with your son, with your husband, with
your mother-in-law, or with anyone else. Things only get worse the more
you discuss them. And next time she farts in public, pretend you didn't
hear it.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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