Granny's Advice

As you are looking for a last ditch effort to get your son to take on the responsibilities of being an adult, how about leaving the entire business of getting up in the morning to him, and let the chips fall where they may.

If he gets a detention, that might wake him up to the error of his laying in bed too late. If he is dropped from some sports team, that might do it for him. If he loses his year in school and has to repeat, that might make him recognize the significance of getting to school on time.

For the next few days he will be surprised when he does not hear you shouting at him to wake up. He'll just turn over and go back to sleep, expecting to hear from you sooner or later. He will eventually miss his ride to school and have to either miss the whole day or find other means of getting there.

Maybe he'll arise at the last minute and dash out without breakfast. I don't think he's going to starve to death this way. He'll make it up to his stomach at the next meal.

He might be upset with you for not reminding him to get up, but all you need to do is tell him you've decided that at his age it's time he took charge of himself. He'll be away at college soon where there is no mother to baby him, and in no time at all he will be the man of another family with children of his own to look after. Maturity will change him, as it has changed you, and your husband, and almost every other adult in this world. The only ones who never change are those whose mothers kept fussing over them too long.

His father, who I presume is the man you call "my hubby", is fortunate to be unaware of these morning hassles between you and the boy. Please don't bother him about it because that might elevate it from just a silly quarrel into a big family row. He has enough to worry about, I'm sure, without adding his son's morning habits to his bothers.

The little matter of getting out of bed in the morning is really nobody's affair but your son's. Your involvement in it has gained nothing but grief to you, and probably annoyance to your son, unless he actually likes all the attention he gets from you every morning. With this possibility in view, you might try to make a big fuss over him in some other way, perhaps at supper time, or when he shows you something he has accomplished. Maybe you should attend school functions and show him how proud you are. Just stop being in involved with him until he is up and dressed, and eating breakfast.

Let him sleep as long as he wants. He knows what time school starts. He knows how long it takes to get there. He knows the consequences of being late, which thus far have been practically nil. Let him play the whole drama to its conclusion, solo, without any interference from you.

If he gets into a whole lot of trouble because of it, he'll have learned a lesson that you could never teach him any other way. Sometimes we have to let our children fly headlong into trouble to prepare them for other, more serious, problems that will face them later in life.

Help him do it on his own by never discussing his morning habits with other people. Drawing attention to this in any way is not productive. And if you have already told all your friends about that big problem in your life, don't mention it again. If they bring it up just say, "that's in the past" and change the subject.

Your part in the drama is to be there to love him no matter what happens, to support him when his world falls apart because of his own mistakes, and to provide him with help to regain whatever he has lost and get on with his life. Saying, "I told you so," should never be part of a mother's vocabulary, Only say, "how can I help you now?"

Good luck
GG