I need some help! My mother-in-law has come to visit from her home state,
and she has only been here a few days.... but in that time, she has made
my life entirely miserable.
My husband and I have a three-year-old son,
and of course, because that's her grandson, she wants to spend as much
time with him as possible. I don't have any problems with that. What I have
problems with is the fact that she insists on "raising" him her way... and her
"way" includes beatings with a belt. Social Services came to warn her that
they were going to take her other grandchildren away for beating them.
She so far hasn't touched our child, that I know of, but if I ever found out
she did, I would report her myself!!
This isn't the only problem.
She insists
to me that she knows what's better for my son than I do... and she told me
that she would make a better mother to him than I would. She constantly
criticizes me and attacks me in front of my husband and child, and also
behind their backs. She attacks me every chance she gets. This makes
me feel like dirt. Sometimes I think that's what she's aiming for.
Also, my
husband has been physically abusive to me, but she insists that he treats
me like a queen... she constantly tells him how wonderful he is... and tells
ME how wonderful he is... also telling me how lucky I am to have him, and
how unworthy of his love I am. She has told me I am a bad mother, bad wife,
and basically treats me as though I'm a bad human being.
PLEASE HELP!!!!!
Thank you.
Your husband has physically abused you. Your mother in law is mentally
abusing you. Don't just sit there, do something! Well, you HAVE done
something - you have written it all down. That's a good start, but
there's more to do. You have to remove your child from this environment.
If your mother in law won't go home and leave you to deal with your
husband alone, then I think you need to take more drastic action.
Apparently there are authorities who know that your mother in law is
dangerous to children, so at least you're not all alone. You must either
be terribly in love with that man, or afraid of him, to be sticking
around, especially when his mother comes along to reinforce his abuse.
Could you manage to move away, far away, with your child, and then stay
away until you get some sort of assurance that you can believe that your
husband will never abuse you again, and that he will not let his mother
into the house? That is a long question, but one that needs answering.
Unless you make the move yourself, you will always be under their
influence. It seems to me that you made one bad choice, and that was
when you agreed to marry that man. You should have become better
acquainted with his entire family, including his mother, before deciding
to marry into that family. But just because you made that mistake
doesn't mean that you have to go on making it day after day. That's what
you're doing now, by staying with him. Every day is another decision and
I'm not sure it's in the best interest of your child, or of yourself.
On the other hand, maybe you aren't the perfect person you think you
are. Maybe your mother in law is right and she really CAN bring up
children better than you. Maybe you would like to just hand your son
over to her and let her raise him to be another wife-abuser, like her
son that you married. There must be something good about him, or else
how did he attract you?
The choice is yours. A third alternative would be to somehow survive
this visit from your mother in law and then get back to normal when she
leaves. You would then have to hope she wouldn't come back - but chances
are she will.
Having a big screaming fit of a fight with her, right in front of your
husband, might be the result of leaving things the way they are. Or she
might actually take a strap to your baby in which case you could call in
the cops. Where would your husband's sympathies lie in either case? Is
he really comitted to you as a good husband should be, or is he really
comitted to his mother, as a good son should be? I pity the man. He is
already weak, in my opinion, because he resorts go physical abuse when
he is losing it with you - so the poor guy probably hasn't enough moral
stamina to even think of what this is all doing to his own son.
Someone has to consider that child. Looks like you're elected.
Good luck, with whatever you decide.
If it was me, I think I'd be in another State already.
Yours truly,
GG
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