Granny's Advice

First, don't imagine that just because you are overweight nobody wants to be your friend. That is just not true. You might feel a lot better about yourself if you could maintain a better weight, but the weight does not preclude friendship.

When you were in school, if you were already overweight, it probably cut down on your popularity because some young people can be cruel, but apparently somebody found you to be worth befriending which is why you now have a husband and some great children.

But right now, at your age, there are lots of people out there who would value your friendship if they just got to know you well. Your problem seems to be the initial groundbreaking. There are clubs connected to churches and schools, and community centers that you could join. Then when you see somebody who is not surrounded by other members, you could go over and talk with them. Tell them who you are and then ask them about themselves. You could make their whole day brighter just be initiating a conversation.

Once you have made new friends, you feel that the friendships don't last. Well, maybe you could do something about that. There may be some little characteristics you have that are annoying. Think about it for a while. Do you talk on and on about some particular topic that might be boring to your new friends? Do you have some bad habits, such as always seeming to know about everything, and being better than others, or that your children are better than others? Do you give your friends an opportunity to tell their story and not try to make yours better? Do you have strong opinions about things and always try to lecture about them? Do you have biases against any special race or religion or any certain sort of people and keep expressing them? Is it possible that you might have a negative attitude about what other people are doing? Do you complain a lot?

Try making sure that your friends know you are truly interested in them. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their families. Do not judge - do not feel that you have to give your opinion about everything. If you disapprove, you don't have to tell them. If they have problems they need to talk about, listen.

Think of others as you hope they will think of you. Don't assume that everyone else is having a wonderful time; give yourself to them to make them feel better. If you and your husband were to join a local choir, or take dance lessons, or get involved in a local political assiciation, you would find friends immediately.

You can't just expect other people to come into your lives without first making the effort to include them, by caring for them, inviting them to your home, suggesting outings with another couple - I think the secret is to pretend that you are the most interesting couple in town and then go out and find people to add to YOUR group, instead of always wishing that somebody else would add you to theirs.

The very next time you find yourself in a crowd, look around for someone who has nobody to talk to. Go to them and greet them, and act towards them exactly as you wish someone would act towards you. I hope you can see how much that will help those people. It will certainly help you.

Yours sincerely,
GG