My fiance and I are buying a new home in a new housing development.
His mother, who is often demanding of his very limited time has just
decided to buy a house, (the same floorplan that is being built for us!)
in the same development.
I come from a family that is spread througout the country and my fiance
is from a more tight-knit family where all his relatives are in the same
town so our backgrounds are different.
My feeling is that it is inappropriate and unacceptable to have my
future mother-in-law living less than 2 blocks away and I am wondering
if I am correct or if I need to make a change in my attitude.
Please advise if you can!
Wonder no more. Mixed marriages often end in disaster. On the other
hand, sometimes they do succeed but it all depends upon the real honest
desire of BOTH parties and ALL their family members for it to succeed.
You are wondering why I call the one you propose to be a mixed marriage.
I suppose you think that mixed marriage only refers to people of
different religions, or different races. Well, it also refers to people
with different backgrounds, such as yours and your boyfriend's.
You plan to marry one person with whom you have fallen in love, but be
aware that when you marry him you become a member of his whole family,
which includes those loving relatives who gather at the drop of a
birthday candle, at religious holidays, at funerals and weddings, and
whenever else the spirit moves them. They are a close knit group and the
moment you exchange vows with one of theirs you will be part of that
group.
Unless you are very fond of them ALL, you had better think again before
you join them. There can be no such thing as just marrying that one
lovely man - he comes with a lot of baggage.
Of course, for him the same applies. If you are a lonere, wishing to
live in some sort of isolation where you are the queen of your own
castle and nobody else will have any influence, then he must be content
to live his whole life without his family support group, or he might
lose you. And if that's the case, are you the strong, wonderful,
resourceful and exciting person that can replace all those friends and
relatives who have been such a strong part of his life thus far?
It's not an easy decision. But think of the future when you will want to
be the only influence in the lives of your children, but your husband
and his mother and all the rest of his clan will want to have their say
about THEIR future generation. Don't think for a minute that you can
marry a man without also marrying his family.
Perhaps you haven't much to offer in the way of family strength, for
your side of the marriage, but that won't change anything. With or
without your own parents' input, there will be a great deal of
interference from his parents. It could be all good. If you could grow
to like them all, and fit into their warm family atmosphere, you may
have a wonderful married life. The rewards of a supporting loving family
are many.
But if the whole idea bothers you, If having a mother in law a few
blocks away, and if the fact that her house is of the same design as
yours goes against your grain, I think you should find another boy
friend. Perhaps an orphan would suit you better.
Sincerely,
GG
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