His mother is driving me crazy. Though I get along great with the rest
of his family, she acts like I don't exist. Just recently I made her a
wall plaque for her birthday. Her Response? She sent him a thank you
note for 'finding' such a lovely item. She knows quite well where it came
from. We bought a house, she calls it his house. We sent her pictures
of both of us, she's requested a new one of just him.
I've spoken to her daughter in law and a former fiance and have their
sworn statements that they have been treated the same way. Her other son
and his wife have been married for 10 years.
I don't want her to be my best friend or mother. I already have both.
What I want is for her to treat me with a little respect and at least be
cordial. I was taught to be direct and upfront about everything. These
people don't believe in that so how can I go about this 'nicely'? I
don't want a fight, but I'm not taking this quietly.
Even if you can't offer any solid advice, thanks at least for 'hearing'
me out.
I guess your mother in law only has eyes for her own precious sons. I wonder
if she will aknowledge the grandchildren when they arrive or if they will be
considered to be nobodies as well.
Your problem could be worse. I hear every day from people whose mothers in
law actually hate them. Yours is only ignoring you. It's almost comical,
really, and I'm glad you have a mother of your own, and also a best friend.
I hope your own mother doesn't ignore your husband, in the way that his
mother ignores you.
As for respect, well that may never happen. After all you have "stolen" her
son from her bosom and all she can do is try to pretend that never happened.
The more I think about it the more I pity her. She's clinging to straws. How
does her other daughter in law cope with the situation? This business of
sworn statements sounds like you're taking the matter to court! Surely you
can handle such a silly situation without resorting to sworn statements!
You ask how can you go about this nicely? Just by being your own sweet self,
acting as you have been taught to act. Try not to complain about her unfair
behaviour to your son. Don't put him into the impossible position of taking
sides. It should not be anything he has to worry about. And try to ignore
the manifestations of her wishing you weren't in her world. If you pretend
they are not happening, they might gradually recede. Also, don't ever let
yourself fall into the trap of retaliating.
Writing to me about your resentment of her childish behaviour was a good
idea. Please don't think your mother in law is unusual. And if you ever are
in the same boat - with a son of yours taking to himself a wife - please
don't be critical of her, just love her because your son does.
There now - advice for now, and advice for twenty years from now.
Yours truly,
GG
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