I have a real problem with my future mother-in-law. I will be getting
married
in 4 months and we hate each other. I will try to make it short.
My parents
wanted only 100 people to the wedding 50 for his side 50 for mine well, she
said she has more than 50 people and will pay for the rest. So, to make her
happy okay. Then she wanted us to add more food to the dinner buffet we said
no. She got mad. My father wanted no hard stuff for drinks well, she said
that she and her friends do. So, I convince my father only for cocktail hour.
Now, she wants us to change the dinner reherrsal to another date because her
sisters are coming one on Thurs and one on Fri. The reherrsal is on Fri at
8pm. So, she said to her son that if she had to choose her family and her
son
reherrsal she would choose family.
Now, I hate her and I don't want to . And she is yelling at him saying that
she will not bend for a 29 year old girl. I don't know what to do?
When I heare these stories I have to proceed on the premise that you are
telling the entire truth, and not slanting the story. If so, then here's
what I have to say about your dilemma.
This is only the beginning. You now have to weigh the importance of your
love for her son against the prospect of living under her thumb for the rest
of your life.
I'm sorry but there are no other choices.
Personally, I don't think all this stuff about who has the most friends at a
wedding, and whether we have drinks or not, are important at all. The idea
of the wedding is just something to entertain everyone who wants to attend.
All these arrangements mean nothing at all, but obviously your boy friend's
mother feels differently. If your own parents, and you, as a sensible woman,
can overlook the craziness that is developing around that one day, and just
let her run the thing the way she wants to, it will probably all go
smoothly.
The most important thing that's happening there is that you are being
married according to the rites of whatever church you have chosen. You could
do it in a registry office, out of town, with only a couple of real friends
as witnesses, or even with strangers as witnesses. The marriage will be just
as firm and legal, no matter how you arrange it. If your husband to be would
agree with you to go somewhere alone and be married, then you will know
where his priorities are.
If he goes along with the idea that rather than letting the parents of the
bfide run the wedding arrangements, as is the traditionally correct way, he
chooses to go along with the plans his own mother wants to make, then you
will know that from now on and forever that is the way he is going to be.
I'm surprised you didn't notice long ago that he is not his own man, but his
mother's. Find out right away whether he is willing to stand up for you, or
not.
You don't have to HATE her. Just accept her for what she is. She cannot
abide to have anyone else take charge. She will not change. This may be the
only wedding she will ever be involved with and she darn well wants it to be
done HER way. Don't hate her for that. You might be the same if your son was
getting married and plans were being made that you objected to. She wants to
show off to her own friends and relatives, that's not unusual.
So don't hate her, just decide right now whether you love that man strongly
enough to live an entire lifetime with his mother running your life.
It's as simple as that. Eloping might make the statement you need to make
right here and now. It would not change her attitude though, and she might
then HATE you forever and a day. But it's your choice. If it was me, I'd
drop the whole plan and find me a man who wasn't tied to his mother's apron
strings.
Good luck,
GG
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