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Granny's Advice

By Rosaleen Dickson, BA, MJ
Dear Great Granny.

I have this friend and we talk to each other all the time. Sometimes till 4 in the morning. She has had bad relasionships before and is really "Anti-Relasionship" I don't know if she will change. I really like her and I want to tell her how I feel. But I don't want to hurt our friendship if she doesn't want a relasionship.

When we hang up on the phone we always say "I love you" but does that really mean anything? We can talk to each other about ANYTHING and we always do. But I'm not really sure if a relasionship is what she wants. Help!!

-Clueless

Dear friend

If you are going to get all worked up about relationships, you had better learn how to spell it correctly, but I don't think you should even use the word. The term "relationship" has gone through so many changes recently that at this point I would think it means you are sleeping together, but obviously you are sleeping with your telephones.

If you'd rather be sleeping with her you should come right out and ask her - after all you do talk about EVERYTHING. Why not that?

Or - you could start by sharing with her some of your thoughts about what "I love you" means. Sometimes it means that you have such deep feelings for her that you are a better person for being with her. Sometimes it means that you throughly enjoy her body.

In your case, it seems that your main contact is on the phone. It must be wonderful to have such a friend with whom you can share all your dreams. I hope you are in the same town, and not running up a huge long distance bill for your parents.

Since she has had what she calls a "bad relationship" she might be afraid to give herself away to anyone else. The hurt from being deceived by one person takes a long time to get over. Be patient while she heals from that first hurt.

If you let her tell you over and over how dreadful that first experience was, she may eventually have talked it all out.

It would seem to me that you'd want to spend a lot of time actually with eachother, instead of just on the phone, before deciding that this was to be "a relationship". When it becomes one, you won't need to label it. Nobody will have to say "aha, we are having a relationship." You will just know.

If you love her and tell her so - and if she loves you and tells you, what are you worried about? Forget that word "relationship" - you can't spell it anyway, so drop it out of your vocabulary.

Yours sincerely,
GG


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