I'm nanny who is working with a 4 years old boy. A year ago I noticed
that he started to bite his nails and the skin around the nail. First I
thought he'll forget about it but he didn't. So I talked to his Mom if
she noticed. She said yes. I asked her if she wants to do something
about it or just let's not care about it. She said she would like to do
something but she is too busy to watch him all the time if he is biting
his nails or not.
I work incredible hours with this boy. Very often he sleeps over in my
apartment. So he doesn't see his mom sometimes for 3 days!!!!!!!
Practically I'm raising him.
I was really upset because sometimes his fingernails are so bitten that
he can't hold his cup because it is hurt that much or also
bleeding!!!!!!
Finally I asked his mom if she agrees to buy that bad tasting
nailpolish. SHe said that would be great!!! What happened is he doesn't
bite his nails when he is with me, he doesn't even put his hands in his
mouth, BUT when I drop him off or his Mom picks him up he is showing off
with nail biting. Immediately puts his fingers in his mouth and bites it
and bites it and bites it.
I asked his mom why does she let me care about it if she doesn't. Of
course she always make promises that she'll watch him etc. I stayed
alone in this case since she doesn't care but also I feel sorry for this
little guy whos fingers are bleeding or not able to hold something
because his nails are so bitten.
Could you please give me some ideas how could I make him not to bite his
nails when he is not with me? Or is it impossible?
Somehow I feel like I work hard with him and than his Mom doesn't.
Thank you for your answer in advance
I may be wrong, but I believe that a Nanny is a person who has been
hired to look after a child, while the parent cannot be there to do it.
Does this also mean that the Nanny is responsible for making decisions
about the child, or are you just supposed to be carrying out the wishes
of the parent?
Whatever is the case, I really don't think there is anything you can do
to make the parents concern themselves with the child's nailbiting, if
they just don't want to do anything about it. If you believe that they
are mistreating the child by letting him bit his nails, and his fingers,
to the point of bleeding, then you could alert the local children's aid
society, or a policeman, because there are laws against neglecting a
child's needs.
But other than getting outside help to force those parents into proper
care of their child, I don't think there is much more that you can do
than you are now doing.
I'm sure you have been praising him highly whenever he is able to show
you a finger that has healed and looks normal. And I'm sure you make a
point of never mentioning his nailbiting to anyone else. It should never
be a matter of discussion, and you should never even let him see you
noticing his hands, whether ethey are in his mouth (as when his parents
are present) or whether they are doing something else.
And I'm sure you have devised some interesting things for him to do with
his hands so they will be too busy to stray to his mouth during idle
moments. If he has some little blunt-nosed (kindergarten) scissors and
lots of interesting little things to cut out and paste together, he will
be so busy with his hands making up his own designs that he might forget
to bite his nails for a few minutes at a time.
Also, I hope you do not discuss his nailbiting with his parents, since
it obviously is not a priority with them, but rather discuss with them
all the wonderful things he has been doing that please you.
I hope you're getting my message here. Rather than deploring the
terrible situation of his hands, look at the good things that he can do
with them and wait patiently while he grows out of his bad biting habit.
You must know that it is just a symptom of nervousness, and if you can
possibly find out what makes him so nervous you could solve the whole
problem.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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