I have always had a problem with my boyfriends parents but it was never
too bad until I had my son with their son. Both of them are very
overbearing and it comes across to me like they are almost pretending my
son is theirs.
Now you have to realize that my boyfriends mother is actually his
step-mother and has no children of her own plus she only met my
boyfriends father when my boyfriend was already 13 years old. So as you
see his parents missed out on raising a child together but they are
still young enough to have one (his mom is only 34) so why should feel
guilted into letting them play house.
I will explain a little so you get an idea of what I put up with. His
mother has bought everything from a crib, clothes, highchair, a ton of
bottles, toys, etc. this is all very nice except for the fact that it
was all bought for her house not ours. Now I feel as though it is
expected that my baby be over there enough to use all of this stuff but
in order for this to happen he would have to live there. On top of all
that her stuff is nicer than mine.
Also they feed him foods before I feel he is ready for them, they have
given him beer and they've smacked his hand all because they feel it is
O.K. and all without consulting me first.
I know that I should approach them regarding all of this but they are
very intimidating and extremely unapproachable what else can I do?
In the first place, that baby IS theirs. HE is their grandson. You have
desceibed a different sort of family relationship, but these days many
families are made up in these strange ways.
It seems that you have decided to start a family without the
conventional marriage, that once upon a time was considered to be the
best way to start a family. But yours is different. You have one single
woman, that's you, and one single man, your "boyfriend". And the second
dimension of this family is a married couple, your boyfriend's father
and his wife.
This older couple have no children, and perhaps never will have
children, so it is only natural that they should dote on the baby you
have brought into the family. All the gifts they has bought for their
grandchild should make you happy, not jealous. If they can feed him more
expensive cookies, and give him more expensive clothes, don't fret, be
pleased that they are there as an added resource. As the years roll by
this might all come in handy.
Don't give your baby over to them. Visit them and let them enjoy
wrapping him in their expensive sweaters, and feeding him fancy food,
and then take him home with you and show him all the love you have for
him. Make time for him in your own home. Read to him there. Sing with
him there. Create for him a safe place where he will always know is his
real home. Be happy around him. Never let him hear you complain and
don't make him ill at ease about his grandparents. They need him, and he
will need to know them, and never know that their overindulgence makes
you unhappy.
Try as hard as you can not to let your current animosity grow into a
serious problem. Take it easy. And for goodness sake don't worry about
the beer and the slap - neither will have a lasting effect.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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