My mother-in law and I had a big blowout. It has been brewing for 8
years. She is not Jewish and I am. My husband converted. Anyway,
after our argument she wrote my husband a letter saying the worst things
that you could imagine about me. Saying that I use my religion only to
distance her from my family. (I've always gone to her house for Christmas
but she will not give my kids Hanukah gifts.)
How do I get past being
called names that I cannot write to you? She has told my husband that
there is to be no involvement with me. Do I allow her to have what she
has always wanted, a granny relationship with only my husband and kids?
This has always been what she has wanted. She responds to my invitations
to ny husband at work, tries to get him to accompany her to family
events without me, etc. The things that she wrote about me are so
hurtful that I cannot stop thinking about them. I know that my husband
cannot give up his relationship with his mom, but I don't want her to
have a relationship with my kids if she cannot accept me. Please help
me' Thank you
It's too bad things came to this stage, but I suppose when people enter into mixed marriages they have to have the strength to withstand the storms they have invited. Your husband has converted but it's pretty obvious that his mother hasn't and never will. So forever and ever you will be following totally different faiths. Well, that's the way she sees it. I'm sure you are smarter than that and realize that there is actually very little difference between the Jewish and Christian faiths; both are admonished to observe the golden rule.
Your mother in law must, of course, have contact with her grandchildren, and if she doesn't like you I suppose as time passes these contacts will not include you. I don't imagine you will miss being around her, since she is so rude to you. Of course your husband shouldn't give up his relationship with his mother, even though it seems strange that he will tolerate her insulting you.
Even if he had not embraced your faith he should still try to persuade his mother to be polite to you. She is only making herself seem ridiculous. The best thing to do with whatever it is that she has written to you is burn it. Then forget it. She has got it off her chest - maybe that's all she needed, to put her evil thoughts down on paper. That done, it's now history.
As with all these cases of mothers in law who act cruelly to their son's wives, she is probably hopelessly jealous of you. It must irk her to no end that her son has even adopted your religion; although I must say I don't think whatever religion she professes has provided her with the strength of character and spirit needed to be courteous to her son's wife. If she were to take the time to study a bit of religious history she would drop all her prejudices, but I don't imagine she will do that.
Don't overlook the possibility that your faith is not what she really hates about you. Maybe she just doesn't like you because you "took away heer son" - and she may be using that one thing as a weapon because she knows it hurts you most. I think you can rise above all her nastiness; try to find one thing about her that you like, and concentrate on that. And for goodness sake don't ever say anything more to the children about how mean she has been to you. Let them forget it. Tell them only the good things about their granny, if you can find some. Don't sink to her level of name calling.
And when your own children are about to get married, don't be afraid to give them your advice, but then don't be afraid to see them make their own choices anyway - and try very hard to be a better, more understanding mother-in-law than yours is.
Yours sincerely,
GG
Return to Granny's Query index
