My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 11 months. We get
along okay and we have lasted this long surprisingly, but there are a
few things I am uncertain about and even worried.
Don't get me wrong, I love him more than anything in the world.
First off, his mother HATES me!!! She claims that I took her "little
boy' away. He's 20 almost 21!! We got a cheap comfortable apartment
together and both her and his father hate it. They are always ordering
him around and yelling at him like he is still 3. When she sees him,
she kisses him alot and hugs him like he's her boyfriend. It's like
everything we do has to go through them.
Another thing, is his mother likes to cause trouble. She offers to do
things for us like our laundry or something, then she goes and calls my
mom and tells her some far fetched lie and has my mother get mad at us.
His mom sometimes has these anxiety attacks and turns into...I don't
know...MEAN!! I almost took a smack from her to protect him.
I mean, I love him and he says he loves me. We are happy together
(I think) and he says we'll always be together. How can we cope? I am
scared he will leave me for his.....MOM!! He's like a little baby
sometimes, but only when mommy dearest and daddy are around. He has an
older sister who can keep them out of her business, why can't we? He
told me that when they were growing up his mother used to tell him he
was worthless and wouldn't amount to anything! She told me once that
she said that too. There is so much to write and so little e-mail
paper. I could go on for days!! I want to stay with him. One time we
went to pick out an engagement ring, and they made him return it and he
DID!!! I don't want to deal with this the rest of my life, What do I
do???? HELP!!!!!
What do you do? You leave that mommy's baby as fast as possible.
The alternative would be to grow up yourself. You must realize that if you go ahead and marry that boy you are also marrying his mother - AND his father who will stand by his woman even if it means breaking up his son't marriage.
If you marry him I can guarantee that you will be writing to me in a few years, maybe sooner, to tell me how terrible it all is, and how you can't take your mother-in-law's interference any more.
Your boyfriend must decide right now for once and for all whether he is going to cleave to you or to his mother. The choice must be made by him and it must be made with a lot of thought. He can't just spontaneously cast off all the years of connection between him and his mother but he CAN and MUST decide that his allegiance is to his wife. Since he wasn't even allowed to buy you the engagement ring of his choice, I suspect he is not anywhere ready to leave home.
I think you should separate from him and live apart for now and give him about a year to make up his mind. If he can't live without his molther now, maybe he will work on the notion and grow up a bit while you are away from him. I can't imagine why you would allow her to do your laundry, unless you really find it a convenience. And the trouble making remarks she makes to your own mother must be specially annoying. I hope your mother is smart enough to realize what that's all about.
As for his mother, my heart goes out to her. She is obviously lonely for her son, and maybe even a bit paranoid, which is a disease, not a crime. She needs help now and it's too bad her husband can't provide the companionship she wants. Someone should find other interests for her to take her mind off the sadness of having her children leave home. Nobody will ever be good enough for her son so she is bound to spend all the rest of here life worrying about that, and making life miserable for everyone around her. Her only recourse is to fill her life with other more interesting things than moaning about things she can't change.
You're not even sure that you and your boyfriend are happy together, but whether you are or not, you'll find it difficult to move out on him at this stage, but I really think you have to, until his mother gets her act together. There's always a chance that you will meet and fall in love with someone else who is more mature and would be easier to live with. Also there's the possibility that he will find another girl; someone you can pity because she will also have to put up with his mother.
Unless you want to make a life's work out of trying to put that woman back on the tracks, leave your boyfriend right now. If he gets on his own feed later on, you could re-establish your relationship if you still want to.
Now, my dear, you can take my suggestion as advice, or just think about it to help clear up your own mind. Whatever you do, remember that when you marry a man, you marry his family.
Yours sincerely,
GG
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